____________________________________________________ THE GOSPEL OBSERVER ____________________________________________________ "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20). ____________________________________________________ May 11, 2003 ____________________________________________________ Contents: 1) Why Jesus Used Parables in His Teaching (Clarence Johnson) 2) Males and Females -- Understanding Each Other (Tom Edwards) ____________________________________________________ -1- Why Jesus Used Parables in His Teaching by Clarence Johnson In Mark 4:1-9 Jesus had told the parable of the sower. "But when He was alone, those around Him with the twelve asked Him about the parable. And He said to them, `To you it has been given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God; but to those who are outside, all things come in parables, so that "Seeing they may see and not perceive, and hearing they may hear and not understand; lest they should turn, and their sins be forgiven them."'" There were two basic reasons Jesus spoke in parables: (1) To make His Message plain to those who wanted to know and heed it, and (2) To make it obscure to those who were not open to its truth. See the parallel passage in Matt. 13:11-17. For Jesus' real disciples, the parables served as illustrations to help His meanings come alive and become embedded in their memories. It was sometimes necessary for them to ask Jesus to explain His illustrations, but any real disciple is more than willing to do so. And thus they came to know His truths. On the other hand, His enemies seldom saw any more significance in Jesus' parables than the ramblings of a story teller. They had little or no interest in His message and little patience for His stories. When they missed His point, they usually went away unenlightened and unfulfilled because they did not care enough to ask Him to elaborate or explain. They were not interested enough in His lessons to try to understand them. They were not seeking the forgiveness of their sins -- and they would not find it. Jesus' enemies would soon seek to have Him crucified. He was willing and fully intended to die as a sacrifice for human sin, but to arouse His enemies too soon would hinder Him in other matters that must be accomplished first. This was another reason He did not go to great lengths to make His meanings clear to those who were not interested in heeding His messages. Jesus applied the words of Isa. 6:9-10 to those in His audience. Matthew shows that He concluded His explanation by saying to His disciples, "But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears for they hear; for assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it" (Matthew 13:17). -- Via The Susquehanna Sentinel, May 4, 2003 ____________________________________________________ -2- Males and Females -- Understanding Each Other by Tom Edwards You might have heard the story of one particular farmer who was having some marital problems. They were so bad that he was seriously thinking about a divorce. He went to an attorney, and the story goes as follows: The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces." Attorney: "Well, do you have any grounds." Farmer: "Yeah, I got about 140 acres." Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" Farmer: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." Attorney: "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" Farmer: "Yeah, I got a g'r'ge, that's where I park my John Deere." Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" Farmer: "Yes, sir. I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays." Exasperated attorney: "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" Farmer: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally the attorney asked, "Okay, let me put it this way: why do you want a divorce?" Farmer: "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her." Do you get the idea that the farmer was closer to the source of his problem than he had apparently realized? I hope this above story is fictitious, but how sad if one really had that much difficulty in understanding another. For what an essential element a good understanding is in any relationship. Peter exhorts the husbands to "...live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Pet. 3:7). Though the greatest knowledge of all is simply "the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:8), the Greek word "gnosis" (translated as "knowing" in this verse) is also used in 1 Peter 3:7, in pertaining to the "understanding way" (NASB) -- or "according to knowledge" (KJV) -- that expresses how the husband is to live with his wife. And without which, as the verse shows, will hinder his prayer-life. So there is much need for understanding or knowledge in the marital relationship. The Greek word "gnosis" is most often translated as "knowledge" (27 times) in the NASB; and though 1 Peter 3:7 speaks of the need for the husband to have the right "knowledge" concerning his wife, wouldn't it also be for the good of the relationship for the wife to also have the proper understanding toward her husband? For her desire is to be for her husband (Gen. 3:16) whom she is to submit to "as to the Lord" (Eph. 5:22) -- and to be in subjection even if her husband is a non-believer (1 Pet. 3:1). While the husband is to love his wife "just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph. 5:22), to "not be embittered against" her (Col. 3:19), but to love her as his own body (Eph. 5:28). Surely, a better understanding of each other will improve this relationship for both partners. For many husbands and wives are probably often guilty of viewing situations from the wrong perspective -- their own, instead of their mates' -- and, as a result, form wrong conclusions about their spouse that can adversely affect the marriage relationship. This is because males and females have different psychological makeups that often cause them to act, react, and think in different ways from their mate. As pointed out in Dr. John Gray's book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," just realizing that men and women are psychologically different can help the relationship. For example, males usually have different ways of dealing with their problems than the way that females would -- and, actually, exact opposite ways. As the book points out, men are more prone to crawl into their "cave," to go through a seemingly withdrawn, silent period in trying to come up with a solution to a problem; whereas it is more the woman's nature to talk about the problem -- and not so much for an answer, but to simply have a good listener, which fulfills her need for closeness, since women are more relationship-oriented than goal-oriented. Dr. Gray writes, "Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about their problem, it's not the time to offer a solution." Rather, it's a time to listen. He also points out that the wife should be understanding and not make her husband feel guilty or disapprove toward his need to withdraw -- for it gives him time to "regroup," so that he can bring more back into the relationship. Without this knowledge of our psychological differences, women can mistakenly assume that their husbands don't care about them when the husbands are "in their caves," quietly solving some problems. And men can often feel that their wives are actually blaming them for all the problems their wives might continually be talking about. So there is often much unnecessary blame, guilt, or feelings of rejection and hurt that individuals will impose upon themselves due to a wrong assumption -- and that which a little knowledge (in understanding each other) could have totally eliminated. As the book also shows, the woman needs to realize that man goes through a natural cycle that alternates from needing to be autonomous (or independent) to needing love and intimacy. Why the woman can often misread this is because she pulls back for different reasons -- such as lack of trust, the threat of being hurt, or having been disappointed by him -- and could wrongly assume that her husband is doing likewise. But though the man could also pull back for similar reasons, that is not always the case. For this natural cycle he goes through is really irrelevant to her. In referring to this, Dr. Gray states: "Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again...Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle" (Truly Mars & Venus, John Gray, Ph.D., p. 43). The woman, too, goes through her cycle that is liken to a wave: "When she feels loved, her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. The crash is temporary. After she reaches bottom, suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically, her wave begins to rise back up" (ibid., p. 55). Especially at her low point is definitely an important time for the husband to be not someone to try to fix her problem with all his well-thought-out "solutions," but simply to be a good listener, supportive, and caring, and to realize that this is a natural cycle that will automatically bring her to a better disposition; and he should, therefore, not erroneously blame himself for his wife's low mood. Furthermore, if she is looking for an answer or a solution to her problem, she can always ask. Understanding these natural cycles of the male and female will also help eliminate some false accusations that could produce unnecessary guilt and stress upon one's spouse -- and that which would tend to tear down the marriage, rather than build it up. Dr. Gray's book, and others similar, can be helpful in better understanding our mate. Through such books, our knowledge can be increased; and our relationship improved, since we are not jumping to wrong conclusions based on our previous, limited understanding that also had caused us to interpret certain actions by our spouse as some kind of personal insult, when it shouldn't have ever been taken personally to begin with. Though these books can be helpful, let's also remember the great value of communication toward understanding our mate. To ask questions that will bring us to a better understanding of each other; to be able to communicate honestly and openly without being offended or insulted by the questions raised that we might be able to better understand each other's behavior and know how to best accommodate one another -- and to live together in that "understanding way." Being honest and clearly expressing our feelings can avert misunderstandings. For example, as the book shows, though the wife was very concerned for her husband's tardiness, she expressed it by saying, "How could you be so late!" (which seems to indicate only the feeling of her being upset). Whereas if she said what she really felt, "I was so worried about you, being late," this more accurately expresses her true feelings and her concern for her husband; and which would have been clearly perceived by him, as well, as a loving concern. This latter example might not be the same words as "I love you," but doesn't it convey the same idea? So when we truly love each other and honestly express our feelings in their full scope that should make for a pretty good explanation and a thorough understanding toward our spouse. NOTE: I am not a marriage counselor, but do believe in the guidelines the Bible sets forth concerning the marital relationship. I also believe there are some good books on the topic of marriage that can be helpful for the couple, as the two cited above. And, as also mentioned above, having good, honest discussions of spouse with spouse can surely broaden one's understanding as well -- to learn directly from the one whom you are seeking to better know. Understanding the psychological differences between male and female can help us in acquiring a greater knowledge of each other and in maintaining a better relationship. May our love and understanding of each other be a deep spring of enjoyment that is always refreshing and never runs dry. ____________________________________________________ MYRTLE STREET CHURCH OF CHRIST 1022 Myrtle Street Denham Springs, LA 70726 (225) 664-8208 Sunday: 9:15 AM, 10:00 AM, 4:00 PM Wednesday: 7:00 PM evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (225) 667-4520 e-mail: tedwards@onemain.com web site: http://home.onemain.com/~tedwards/go ____________________________________________________