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THE GOSPEL OBSERVER
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"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching
them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you
always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20).
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May 11, 2003
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Contents:
1) Why Jesus Used Parables in His Teaching (Clarence
Johnson)
2) Males and Females -- Understanding Each Other (Tom
Edwards)
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-1-
Why Jesus Used Parables in His Teaching
by Clarence Johnson
In Mark 4:1-9 Jesus had told the parable of the sower.
"But when He was alone, those around Him with the twelve asked
Him about the parable. And He said to them, `To you it has been
given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God; but to those
who are outside, all things come in parables, so that "Seeing
they may see and not perceive, and hearing they may hear and
not understand; lest they should turn, and their sins be
forgiven them."'"
There were two basic reasons Jesus spoke in parables: (1)
To make His Message plain to those who wanted to know and heed
it, and (2) To make it obscure to those who were not open to
its truth. See the parallel passage in Matt. 13:11-17. For
Jesus' real disciples, the parables served as illustrations to
help His meanings come alive and become embedded in their
memories. It was sometimes necessary for them to ask Jesus to
explain His illustrations, but any real disciple is more than
willing to do so. And thus they came to know His truths.
On the other hand, His enemies seldom saw any more
significance in Jesus' parables than the ramblings of a story
teller. They had little or no interest in His message and
little patience for His stories. When they missed His point,
they usually went away unenlightened and unfulfilled because
they did not care enough to ask Him to elaborate or explain.
They were not interested enough in His lessons to try to
understand them. They were not seeking the forgiveness of their
sins -- and they would not find it.
Jesus' enemies would soon seek to have Him crucified. He
was willing and fully intended to die as a sacrifice for human
sin, but to arouse His enemies too soon would hinder Him in
other matters that must be accomplished first. This was another
reason He did not go to great lengths to make His meanings
clear to those who were not interested in heeding His messages.
Jesus applied the words of Isa. 6:9-10 to those in His
audience. Matthew shows that He concluded His explanation by
saying to His disciples, "But blessed are your eyes, for they
see, and your ears for they hear; for assuredly, I say to you
that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you
see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not
hear it" (Matthew 13:17).
-- Via The Susquehanna Sentinel, May 4, 2003
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-2-
Males and Females -- Understanding Each Other
by Tom Edwards
You might have heard the story of one particular farmer
who was having some marital problems. They were so bad that he
was seriously thinking about a divorce. He went to an attorney,
and the story goes as follows:
The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them
dayvorces."
Attorney: "Well, do you have any grounds."
Farmer: "Yeah, I got about 140 acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a
case?"
Farmer: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John
Deere."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a
grudge?"
Farmer: "Yeah, I got a g'r'ge, that's where I park my
John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Farmer: "Yes, sir. I got a suit. I wear it to church on
Sundays."
Exasperated attorney: "Well, sir, does your wife beat you
up or anything?"
Farmer: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally the attorney asked, "Okay, let me put it this
way: why do you want a divorce?"
Farmer: "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation
with her."
Do you get the idea that the farmer was closer to the
source of his problem than he had apparently realized?
I hope this above story is fictitious, but how sad if one
really had that much difficulty in understanding another. For
what an essential element a good understanding is in any
relationship.
Peter exhorts the husbands to "...live with your wives in
an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a
woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of
life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Pet. 3:7).
Though the greatest knowledge of all is simply "the
surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:8), the
Greek word "gnosis" (translated as "knowing" in this verse)
is also used in 1 Peter 3:7, in pertaining to the
"understanding way" (NASB) -- or "according to knowledge"
(KJV) -- that expresses how the husband is to live with his
wife. And without which, as the verse shows, will hinder his
prayer-life. So there is much need for understanding or
knowledge in the marital relationship.
The Greek word "gnosis" is most often translated as
"knowledge" (27 times) in the NASB; and though 1 Peter 3:7
speaks of the need for the husband to have the right
"knowledge" concerning his wife, wouldn't it also be for the
good of the relationship for the wife to also have the proper
understanding toward her husband? For her desire is to be for
her husband (Gen. 3:16) whom she is to submit to "as to the
Lord" (Eph. 5:22) -- and to be in subjection even if her
husband is a non-believer (1 Pet. 3:1). While the husband is to
love his wife "just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her" (Eph. 5:22), to "not be embittered against"
her (Col. 3:19), but to love her as his own body (Eph. 5:28).
Surely, a better understanding of each other will improve
this relationship for both partners. For many husbands and
wives are probably often guilty of viewing situations from the
wrong perspective -- their own, instead of their mates' -- and,
as a result, form wrong conclusions about their spouse that can
adversely affect the marriage relationship. This is because
males and females have different psychological makeups that
often cause them to act, react, and think in different ways
from their mate. As pointed out in Dr. John Gray's book, "Men
Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," just realizing that men
and women are psychologically different can help the
relationship. For example, males usually have different ways of
dealing with their problems than the way that females would --
and, actually, exact opposite ways. As the book points out,
men are more prone to crawl into their "cave," to go through
a seemingly withdrawn, silent period in trying to come up with
a solution to a problem; whereas it is more the woman's nature
to talk about the problem -- and not so much for an answer, but
to simply have a good listener, which fulfills her need for
closeness, since women are more relationship-oriented than
goal-oriented. Dr. Gray writes, "Men need to remember that when
women seem upset and talk about their problem, it's not the
time to offer a solution." Rather, it's a time to listen. He
also points out that the wife should be understanding and not
make her husband feel guilty or disapprove toward his need to
withdraw -- for it gives him time to "regroup," so that he can
bring more back into the relationship.
Without this knowledge of our psychological differences,
women can mistakenly assume that their husbands don't care
about them when the husbands are "in their caves," quietly
solving some problems. And men can often feel that their wives
are actually blaming them for all the problems their wives
might continually be talking about. So there is often much
unnecessary blame, guilt, or feelings of rejection and hurt
that individuals will impose upon themselves due to a wrong
assumption -- and that which a little knowledge (in
understanding each other) could have totally eliminated.
As the book also shows, the woman needs to realize that
man goes through a natural cycle that alternates from needing
to be autonomous (or independent) to needing love and intimacy.
Why the woman can often misread this is because she pulls back
for different reasons -- such as lack of trust, the threat of
being hurt, or having been disappointed by him -- and could
wrongly assume that her husband is doing likewise. But though
the man could also pull back for similar reasons, that is not
always the case. For this natural cycle he goes through is
really irrelevant to her. In referring to this, Dr. Gray
states: "Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they
can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A
rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male
intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling
away, and then getting close again...Men instinctively feel
this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just
happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural
cycle" (Truly Mars & Venus, John Gray, Ph.D., p. 43).
The woman, too, goes through her cycle that is liken to a
wave: "When she feels loved, her self-esteem rises and falls
in a wave motion. When she is feeling really good, she will
reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her
wave crashes down. The crash is temporary. After she reaches
bottom, suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel
good about herself. Automatically, her wave begins to rise back
up" (ibid., p. 55). Especially at her low point is definitely
an important time for the husband to be not someone to try to
fix her problem with all his well-thought-out "solutions,"
but simply to be a good listener, supportive, and caring, and
to realize that this is a natural cycle that will automatically
bring her to a better disposition; and he should, therefore, not
erroneously blame himself for his wife's low mood. Furthermore,
if she is looking for an answer or a solution to her problem,
she can always ask.
Understanding these natural cycles of the male and female
will also help eliminate some false accusations that could
produce unnecessary guilt and stress upon one's spouse -- and
that which would tend to tear down the marriage, rather than
build it up.
Dr. Gray's book, and others similar, can be helpful in
better understanding our mate. Through such books, our
knowledge can be increased; and our relationship improved,
since we are not jumping to wrong conclusions based on our
previous, limited understanding that also had caused us to
interpret certain actions by our spouse as some kind of
personal insult, when it shouldn't have ever been taken
personally to begin with.
Though these books can be helpful, let's also remember the
great value of communication toward understanding our mate. To
ask questions that will bring us to a better understanding of
each other; to be able to communicate honestly and openly
without being offended or insulted by the questions raised that
we might be able to better understand each other's behavior and
know how to best accommodate one another -- and to live
together in that "understanding way."
Being honest and clearly expressing our feelings can avert
misunderstandings. For example, as the book shows, though the
wife was very concerned for her husband's tardiness, she
expressed it by saying, "How could you be so late!" (which
seems to indicate only the feeling of her being upset). Whereas
if she said what she really felt, "I was so worried about you,
being late," this more accurately expresses her true feelings
and her concern for her husband; and which would have been
clearly perceived by him, as well, as a loving concern. This
latter example might not be the same words as "I love you,"
but doesn't it convey the same idea? So when we truly love each
other and honestly express our feelings in their full scope
that should make for a pretty good explanation and a thorough
understanding toward our spouse.
NOTE: I am not a marriage counselor, but do believe in the
guidelines the Bible sets forth concerning the marital
relationship. I also believe there are some good books on the
topic of marriage that can be helpful for the couple, as the
two cited above. And, as also mentioned above, having good,
honest discussions of spouse with spouse can surely broaden
one's understanding as well -- to learn directly from the one
whom you are seeking to better know.
Understanding the psychological differences between male
and female can help us in acquiring a greater knowledge of each
other and in maintaining a better relationship.
May our love and understanding of each other be a deep
spring of enjoyment that is always refreshing and never runs
dry.
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MYRTLE STREET CHURCH OF CHRIST
1022 Myrtle Street
Denham Springs, LA 70726
(225) 664-8208
Sunday: 9:15 AM, 10:00 AM, 4:00 PM
Wednesday: 7:00 PM
evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (225) 667-4520
e-mail: tedwards@onemain.com
web site: http://home.onemain.com/~tedwards/go
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