____________________________________________________ THE GOSPEL OBSERVER "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20). ____________________________________________________ November 19, 1995 ____________________________________________________ Marriage by Richard P. Fleeman Why Marry? As we begin our study of marriage, let's first ask the question ``Why marry?'' I can think of two biblical reasons for marriage. The first, in Genesis 2:18: ``And the LORD God said, `It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.''' The second reason, in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2: ``Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.'' 3 Periods of Time To better understand marriage, it helps to look at how God thought of marriage during all 3 periods of time. Patriarchal Age The Patriarchal Age covered the first 2500 years of man's existence on earth. This was roughly from 4,000 BC to 1500 BC. During this period we have no record of God giving any laws concerning divorce. Nearly the only thing we find recorded in the Bible for this time period is found in Genesis 2:24: ``Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'' I would say this pretty much defines how God feels about marriage. Wouldn't you? Here God institutes marriage just as He later institutes civil governments and the church. Did He forget to mention something when He instituted marriage, or did He do a good job? Mosaical age The Mosaical age covered the next 1500 years of man's history, roughly from 1500 BC to about 1 BC. The Jews were permitted to divorce their wives for four reasons. Jewish women were not permitted to divorce husbands for any reason. Although we'll see the four reasons they could put away their wives, the way God really felt about marriage during this time is actually revealed by Jesus in the New Testament: Matthew 19:8 reads, ``He said to them, `Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.''' Let's look at those four reasons for divorce: Reason 1: From Exodus 21:7-11, the first reason for divorce was ``if she does not please her master.'' Note that although the Lord allows him to put her away, he interjects how he feels about it in the verse. The Lord says ``he has dealt deceitfully with her.'' Reason 2: In Deuteronomy 21:10-14, the second reason for divorce was if you took a wife from the captives of war and ``had no delight in her.'' Once again, God interjects how he feels about the situation. He says you ``have humbled her.'' Reason 3: In Exodus 23:32, although maybe not obvious, we find the third reason for divorce. They were told not to make any covenant with foreigners or strangers. This included the marriage covenant. We can look in Ezra chapters 9 and 10 to see what God expected when someone broke His law and did make a marriage covenant with foreigners. Read Ezra 9:2-4; 10:2-3. In Ezra chapters 9 and 10, they were astonished at the transgression of marrying those God had forbade them to marry. They then made a covenant with God to put away these wives. Reason 4: In Deuteronomy 24:1-4, we find that the fourth reason for divorce was ``she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her.'' It's also interesting to note that if the lady married a second man and he put her away or even just passed away, the first husband was not to take her back for ``she has been defiled.'' Christian Dispensation Finally we come to the Christian Dispensation and find all we need to know in Matthew 5:32: ``But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.'' Before we even discuss this verse, I want to mention that in one case this verse was simply read to a congregation. No comments were made. I can't remember the exact words, but one member either said ``Do you really believe that?'' or else he said ``Do you expect us to believe that?'' and began to laugh mockingly. Once again, note that no comments had been made. All that had been done was someone read the word of God as spoken by Jesus himself. The reason the man mocked was that he actually understood the verse. It was like Mark 16:16 that so many in the religious world choose to ignore. Let's not be guilty of not being willing to accept the teachings of Jesus. If we break Matthew 5:32 down we'll see that all possible scenarios of marriage are covered. The first part of verse covers all cases where a marriage is dissolved for any other reason than fornication (sexual immorality). The second part covers all cases where a marriage is dissolved for fornication. Note that Jesus said in the first part of the verse ``whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery.'' Jesus is saying that we are not to put away our mates for any cause other than fornication or we cause them to sin. Causing one to sin is a sin itself. The second part of the verse says ``and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.'' To better understand this part of the verse, let's break it down. Exactly who is Jesus talking about here? As we mentioned above, he's already handled all cases in the first part of the verse where the mate is put away for any other cause than fornication. In those cases you cannot put away your mate, or you cause them to commit adultery. In the second part of this verse, he is specifically talking about those who were put away for adultery. He says ``whoever marries a woman who is divorced (or has been put away for adultery) commits adultery.'' In one of the songs about salvation in Jesus, we bellow out, ``Whosoever surely meaneth me!'' But when we read Matthew 5:32 most of the world somehow decides that ``whoever'' or ``whosoever'' doesn't mean them. Only 1 Question Remains When one accepts that what is mentioned above is truly the teaching of Jesus, there can remain only one question in their mind. As you look at Matthew 5:32, again you see that ``whoever marries a woman who is divorced (or has been put away for adultery) commits adultery.'' To emphasize the teaching here let's ask a question: ``Is there ever a time when someone marries someone who has been put away and commits adultery?'' Your answer better be ``yes.'' There is certainly a time when this happens. That's what Jesus says in Matthew 5:32. So the only question left is, ``Is this a one time act of adultery or is this an adulterous relationship?'' To help us answer this question, let's look at some other passages. We have already looked at Ezra chapters 9 and 10 earlier in this article. The people here had taken strange wives which God told them they could not have. When they married these wives, did they commit adultery by marrying them and then it was all over with? Or were they in a relationship that they had to get out of? We noted earlier that they were in a relationship that they had to terminate to be right in sight of God. Once again, we see they were in an adulteress relationship. In Matthew 14:3-4 we read, ``For Herod had laid hold of John and bound him, and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife. Because John had said to him, `It is not lawful for you to have her.''' Did John tell Herod, ``Just have Herodias divorce Philip, then you can have her''? No, he did not. That's because John understood what Jesus meant in Matthew 5:32. Herodias did not have the right to put Philip away because she was the one committing adultery; and Herod, therefore, had a wife that he did not have the right to be with and, thus, was in an adulterous relationship that he had to get out of. In John 4:17-18 we read, ``The woman answered and said, `I have no husband.' Jesus said to her, `You have well said, ``I have no husband,'' for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.''' This woman was carrying on a marital type relationship with her ``fifth husband.'' Yet Jesus said ``the one whom you now have is not your husband.'' Any time you are carrying on a marital type relationship with someone who ``is not your husband,'' you are committing adultery. It is obvious that this woman too was in an adulterous relationship. Now we once again turn to Matthew 5:32 and see that ``whoever marries a woman who is divorced (or has been put away for adultery) commits adultery.'' Is this the first case we've looked at where God meant it would be a one time act of adultery? Or is this like the foreign wives in Ezra that one could not marry without being in an adulterous relationship? Bondage in 1 Corinthians 7? Some have decided to use 1 Corinthians 7:15 as an exception clause to what Jesus said in Matthew 5:32. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, ``But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.'' Paul is addressing situations where a Christian is married to an unbeliever that wants to depart. Paul says the Christian is ``not under bondage in such cases.'' Some explain this to mean that the Christian is not under the marriage bond. In other words, the marriage bond is fine and dandy as long as both the Christian and non-Christian want to be married. But as soon as the non-Christian wants out of the situation, the bond just dissolves. Don't you wish you could get a loan with these terms? As soon as you decide you don't want to pay, you're not obligated to. We can see this doesn't make sense. If we look up ``bondage'' as used here in Bullinger's Lexicon, we see that this is the only case in the Bible where this particular word for bondage is used. It does not refer to the marriage bond. Bullinger says it means ``to make a slave of'' or ``to be enslaved.'' So in other words, if you are a Christian and your unbelieving mate wants to depart, you are not a slave to them. Let them depart. Note that Paul has said nothing about the marriage bond. If you are wondering about the marriage bond in such cases, you might want to cross reference 1 Corinthians 7:15 with Matthew 5:32. You'll then see that the only lawful reason to put away your mate is if they've committed fornication. Another way to make this point clearer might be to ask the one you're teaching a series of questions. First ask, ``Does Matthew 5:32 apply to two Christians?'' The only honest answer is ``yes.'' Jesus said you can only divorce for adultery and that certainly applies to his children. Next ask the one you're teaching if Matthew 5:32 applies to two unbelievers who are married. It might take some convincing, but the only honest answer is ``yes.'' We see in Acts 17:30 that, ``Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent.'' Some do teach that God's laws do not apply to the unbeliever, but think how ridiculous that claim is. If we aren't under God's laws till we obey, we could never transgress them and be in need of forgiveness. Even two unbelievers are subject to God's laws of marriage. If they are in an adulterous relationship, they need to repent. Finally, ask them if one of those two unbelievers obey, are they still under obligation to Matthew 5:32. You might get a variety of answers, but the only honest answer is ``yes.'' Any other answer is just as ridiculous as the statement that was made above about the loan that just disappears. Can't Believe God Would Do That Even many Christians have made statements such as ``I can't believe God would do that.'' Meaning they can't believe God would forbid one to marry after having been put away for adultery. First, this is the same mistake Naaman made in 2 Kings 5:11: ``But Naaman became furious, and went away and said, `Indeed, I said to myself, ``He will surely come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the place, and heal the leprosy.''''' Other versions say Naaman said ``Behold I thought....'' Naaman expected something. It didn't happen that way, but that didn't change what Naaman was to do. The same applies here. Let's acknowledge that God can forbid marriage if he so chooses. He is our creator. He instituted marriage in the first place. Does he not have the right to say who can and can't enter into the institution? Some feel this would be harsh for God to do. Remember what happened under the old law: ``The man who commits adultery with another man's wife, he who commits adultery with his neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death'' (Lev. 20:10). Is being forbidden to marry as bad as capital punishment? Have no doubts that based in Leviticus 20:10 you can see that God would have no trouble forbidding one to remarry after committing adultery. We need to remember God is so strict that if you look on a woman to lust after her you commit adultery in your heart (Matt. 5:28). Marriage is a very serious institution in the sight of the Lord. Other Duties of Marriage Some feel that it's OK for them to divorce, just as long as they don't remarry. First, remember what Jesus said in Matthew 5:32: ``But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery.'' We see that Jesus claims that just by putting your mate away you will cause them to commit adultery. Also, there are other duties of marriage that are being left undone when you just put your mate away. In Ephesians 6:4 we read, ``And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.'' A father has been left with the responsibility of teaching his children God's word. Can he do this properly without being home with his wife? Does visiting them on the weekend and teaching a Bible class to them fulfill this responsibility? We read in 1 Corinthians 7:5, ``Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.'' One of your obligations of marriage is to fulfill the needs and desires of your mate. You took a vow to do it. By leaving them you are not fulfilling your duty. In 1 Timothy 5:8 we read, ``But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.'' We see here we are to provide for our families. Does this mean just as long as we send them a check every now and then we're providing for them, or is there a little more to it? I believe ``provide'' here stands for a little more than just monetary things. I feel it refers in part to the emotional and spiritual needs your family has. If we accept that these are duties of marriage that we are commanded to fulfill, we should be willing to acknowledge even just divorce without remarriage is wrong. Let us not shirk our duties. We have responsibilities to fulfill that are being left undone if we leave our mate. -- Slightly modified and abridged by Tom Edwards ________________________________________ Tri-State CHURCH OF CHRIST 1314 Montgomery Avenue, Ashland, Kentucky 41101 Sunday: 10:00 A.M. Bible class 10:50 A.M. Worship 6:30 P.M. Worship Wednesday: 7:30 P.M. Bible study evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (606) 325-9742 e-mail: tedwards@zoomnet.net Gospel Observer web site: http://www.zoomnet.net/~tedwards/go ________________________________________