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THE GOSPEL OBSERVER
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching
them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you
always even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20)
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July 21, 1996
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Thoughts On Christians Marrying Non-Christians
by Tom Edwards
What the Figures Show
I was recently impressed with the following statistics
that had been uploaded to one of the e-mail lists I belong
to. (The figures come from two institutional churches of
Christ.) Consider their findings on Christians married to
non-Christians and Christians married to Christians:
B Street church of Christ
Christian to Christian to
non-Christian Christian
79 marriages 64 marriages
57 left faith 5 left faith
25 divorced 2 divorced
22 faithful 59 faithful
Bridges Street church of Christ
Christian to Christian to
non-Christian Christian
76 marriages 28 marriages
61 left faith 4 left faith
23 divorced 4 divorced
15 faithful 24 faithful
According to these statistics, it is more often than not
for the marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian to
be in a precarious state that commonly leads to divorce and
apostasy. For the one, therefore, who is a Christian--but
feels that he will be able to convert his mate to the faith
after they are married--he needs to weigh these above
findings, for they reveal that it is the non-Christian who is
more successful in ``converting'' his or her spouse to the
way of unrighteousness than for the Christian to lead his or
her mate to Christ. Be careful, therefore, lest you fall (cf,
1 Cor. 10:12).
This reminds me of an illustration I once heard about
a healthy person walking down the corridors of a hospital
in which numerous people were suffering from highly
contagious diseases. Rather than the person's health
rubbing off on the sick, it was more likely that he would
soon be picking up one or more of their infectious diseases
and sharing in their same ailments and afflictions.
Though the Christian is to be a light in the
world--and not a hidden lamp under a basket--he still
needs to be cautious lest his ardent glow be snuffed out by
the extinguishing power of sin (Gal. 6:1; 1 Cor. 15:33).
Maintain your guard, therefore, against all evil influence
and the often subtle persuasions of sin.
Not all Christian to Non-Christian
Marriages Lead to a
Spiritual Hindrance or Divorce
I know people in this type of ``mixed-marriage''; but,
fortunately, the Christians have continued to remain faithful
and have already spent many years of their lives with their
non-Christian partners. The non-Christian mate does not
seem to hinder his Christian spouse from attending church
and maintaining a spiritual life; his indifference toward the
church and Christianity has not rubbed off on his mate; and
some of these non-Christian husbands can be described as
generous, friendly, good providers for their families; and,
generally speaking, fine individuals who do not stand in the
way to obstruct or negatively influence their spouse from
pursuing a life of godliness--but as the above shows, this
appears to be the exception.
Unfortunately, I have also heard of such cases in
which the non-believing husband, in order to prevent his
wife from attending church, had actually gone to the
extremes of locking his spouse in her room prior to the
service time. Can you imagine how difficult it must have
been for her to strive to keep her commitment to Christ
when contending with a husband who was so adamantly
opposed?
Is it a Sin for a Christian
to Marry a Non-Christian?
Though there are some people who feel that it is a
``sin'' for a Christian to marry a non-Christian, I do not
find this in the Scriptures. Some have used 2 Corinthians
6:14 to try to justify their position, in which Paul shows
that believers are not to be ``bound together with
unbelievers.'' But if this were talking about marriage, then
isn't the answer found in the same context? ```Therefore,
come out from their midst and be separate,' says the
Lord....'' (v. 17). Would not this then mean that the
Christian married to the non-Christian would have to
divorce his or her mate--or at least leave--if verse 14 were
talking about marriage? But what does Paul say about this?
''...if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she
consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a
woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to
live with her, let her not send her husband away...For how
do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?
Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save
your wife'' (1 Cor. 7:12,13)? According to Paul, the
Christian is to remain with the non-Christian spouse.
Furthermore, the wife is bound by law to her husband
as long as he lives (Rom. 7:2)--whether he's a Christian or
not--and, therefore, to divorce him and marry another
(when not meeting the conditions of Matthew 19:9) would be
a sin on her part and cause her to be an adulteress; and
the one she marries, an adulterer (1 Cor. 7:3; Mark 10:12;
Matt. 5:32).
Wise Advise
I won't call this my advice--though it is my
advice--for it is also the advice of many others as well.
Though there are those exceptional cases that I know of in
which the Christian is not hampered by his or her non-
Christian spouse from living a Christian life, it is--generally
speaking--a wiser move for one to marry someone of like
faith.
I'm often reminded of a response Harry Lewis once
gave about 14 years ago to a woman who had called up one
of his radio programs in Nicholasville, Kentucky, to ask the
question if a Christian can marry someone of a different
religion--such as an Eastern religion. His reply was
something to the following effect: ``Christians have a hard
enough time living together; why would you want to make it
any more difficult?''
This is something to give some serious thought to.
What if a sincere, zealous Christian marries someone who is
also genuinely fervent with his or her own faith/religion?
To which faith will the children be raised? With whom will
the children attend religious services? Whose religious
principles will be instilled in them? Can you even begin to
imagine having to submit to your spouse's request to allow
your children to be brought up in a false religion, against
your wishes? With both parents ardently concerned for
their children's spiritual upbringing, this could lead to
quite a dilemma. And even if there were no children, would
you really like the idea of attending one church while your
spouse attended another? How sad, that two people cannot
be united in the most important aspect of life and be of one
mind in Christ together--rather than to be divided or have
opposite interests toward the Lord and spiritual matters.
It is not always easy for Christians to find a partner.
Many have often said that there is just no one for them of
like faith in the area in which they live. This makes it more
difficult--but not impossible. I imagine many a marriage has
been the fruition of a courtship that mainly took place via
letters, phone calls, e-mail, etc., due to the many miles
apart--and with just occasional visits. I know of one young
woman who was faced with a similar problem, so she moved
to where she knew there was a church that offered a Bible
program for men wanting to become preachers--for her
intention is marrying a gospel preacher. I don't think she'll
have any trouble hooking one and reeling him in.
I've also heard of dating services that are designed
to help you become acquainted with individuals of like faith.
So if you live in an area where there just doesn't seem to
be anyone around, you might want to try looking into one
of these other options.
What To Do--
When the Christian is
Married to the Non-Christian
To those of you who are married to a non-Christian
spouse, strive to be the best marriage partner you can be
for your mate (without ever compromising your faith). If
you are the wife in this situation, then remember Peter's
instruction for you to live in such a way with your non-
believing husband that he might be won to the Lord
through the tender, compelling influence of your godly life
(1 Pet. 3:1-4). Rather than continually nagging your
husband to obey the gospel, Peter wants you to concentrate
on simply living the proper example before him yourself. As
the old saying goes, ``I'd rather see a sermon than hear one
any day....'' This, of course, is not to say that such a
conversation should not be brought up; but use your
discretion.
And if you are the husband married to a non-
believing wife, hearken to Paul's exhortation for you to love
your wife ``just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her'' (Eph. 5:25). What greater love can there
be than that?
Without question, being of the same faith is definitely
a "major plus" in the marriage of two people who are striving
to live as one. Differences over food-favorites, hobbies, and
entertainment is very trivial compared to something that
should mean more to a person than anything--and that is
one's spiritual relationship with God. For faith in God is to
be not merely a belief, nor is one's relationship with God
only a periodic involvement that one sees to
occasionally--like keeping up appearances at the
``club''--but Christianity is to be a way of life that has
been deeply entrenched within the heart of each Christian
and works its way into the thoughts, actions, and reactions
of the child of God. It is inward and outward, as a
manifestation that attests to one's faith (Jms. 2:18-26). The
goal of the Christian is eternal life. His primary purpose is
to please God by keeping His commandments. His interests,
therefore, should supremely be in spiritual matters; and
Paul, therefore, urges the Christian to set his affection on
``things above'' (Col. 3:1-4). What greater treasure can two
people (a family, a group, etc.) share than that which is
from the coffers of God's holy and divine word? What better
common interest can there be than that which is found in
the Almighty God and jointly shared by every true believer?
Christian don't give up. Keep praying for your non-
Christian spouse and continue setting the right example
before him or her, for many have been converted to
Christianity through their mate.
Marriage Is A Serious Thing
The fact that marriage is to be one man for one
woman for life shows that it is not something to be taken
lightly. Therefore, choose your mate wisely.
Someone who can help you in your life as a Christian
is certainly an important asset to look for. As Solomon
writes, ``Two are better than one because they have a good
return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one
will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls
when there is not another to lift him up'' (Ecclesiastes
4:9,10).
The only grounds that God's word gives for divorce
and remarriage is for the innocent spouse to put away his
or her partner for the reason of adultery (Matt. 19:9). To
divorce, therefore, for any other reason would be wrong.
I've heard some people say that ``Divorce is all
right--even if there is no adultery involved--providing you
never marry again.'' But we must realize that even the
divorce itself is wrong if it is not the case of the innocent
putting away the guilty for adultery (Matt. 5:32).
Are you thinking of marriage? Do so wisely. Consider
what the Bible has to say on the subject. Give serious
thought to the type of person who would best help you in
continuing your life for Christ--and someone whom you can
share this type of life with. Try to look beyond the present
on this. Remember, you're thinking about someone who'll be
yours ``till death do you part.''
It might be that you, as a Christian, have left the
church. Maybe right now you're in a spiritual slump and
God's word doesn't seem important to you, so you are not
concerned with marrying a Christian with spiritual interests;
but do you plan to remain indifferent to God all of your
life? What if you marry a very worldly-minded individual
who, though great from a worldly perspective, would be
nothing but a hindrance if you ever wanted to get back
into re-dedicating your life to the Lord? Think wisely!
To all you non-Christian spouses out there, we are
praying for you that it will be your decision to put Christ
first in your lives--not merely for a Christ-centered
marriage; but, more importantly, for your soul's salvation
and for your own spiritual relationship with the Almighty
God, who loves you so much that He sent His only begotten
Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die for your sins on the
cross at Calvary!
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NEWS & NOTES
Gwen Harwell, sister of John Hendrix, passed away
recently, leaving behind her husband (Jack), and two
children: Amelia (4 years old) and Rebecca (born June 29,
and who was in her mother's arms when she suddenly
passed away at just 36 years of age). Our heart goes out
to all the family and friends of Gwen Harwell.
Gary Kerr solicits prayer for Jan Reese who
underwent a bone marrow transplant July 19 for her
leukemia. She is now in Columbia, South Carolina, having
received radiation treatments the week before last and
chemo-therapy last Monday, in preparation for her
operation. Her sister, Judy Lewis, was the donor. Jan and
her husband (Jack) are the parents of a two-year old son.
John Trigg writes: ``Thanks for the prayers for my
mother [Vernell Trigg--who has been having difficulties with
her diabetes]. She is out of the hospital and back at home.
She seems to be doing well, but is still having a few
problems. Please keep her in your prayers.''
Paul Preston (from Grayson, Kentucky) recently had
by-pass surgery for his heart. Let us pray that he will
continue to heal well.
I forgot to mention that the vinyl siding and new
gutter is now finished on our meeting house. Thank you,
Joe Galford! (our kind and generous landlord)
Come visit us soon!
If you have an e-mail address and would like this
bulletin sent to you electronically, just let us know.
Update on our Bulletin:
The Gospel Observer
* Homes receiving it: 462 (not counting local members)
* Foreign countries receiving it: Canada, Italy,
Australia, and Germany.
* It's also going to Alaska, Hawaii, and the Virgin
Islands.
* (It's sent to about 25 states in the U.S.)
* Roughly 379 homes receive our bulletin via e-mail
(for free)--which would be costing us more than
$121 a week if we had to put a stamp on it.
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Tri-State
CHURCH OF CHRIST
713 13th Street, Ashland, Kentucky 41101
Sunday: 10:00 A.M. Bible class
10:50 A.M. Worship
6:30 P.M. Worship
Wednesday: 7:30 P.M. Bible study
evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (606) 325-9742
e-mail: tedwards@wwd.net
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