______________________________________________ THE GOSPEL OBSERVER "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20) ______________________________________________ July 21, 1996 ______________________________________________ Thoughts On Christians Marrying Non-Christians by Tom Edwards What the Figures Show I was recently impressed with the following statistics that had been uploaded to one of the e-mail lists I belong to. (The figures come from two institutional churches of Christ.) Consider their findings on Christians married to non-Christians and Christians married to Christians: B Street church of Christ Christian to Christian to non-Christian Christian 79 marriages 64 marriages 57 left faith 5 left faith 25 divorced 2 divorced 22 faithful 59 faithful Bridges Street church of Christ Christian to Christian to non-Christian Christian 76 marriages 28 marriages 61 left faith 4 left faith 23 divorced 4 divorced 15 faithful 24 faithful According to these statistics, it is more often than not for the marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian to be in a precarious state that commonly leads to divorce and apostasy. For the one, therefore, who is a Christian--but feels that he will be able to convert his mate to the faith after they are married--he needs to weigh these above findings, for they reveal that it is the non-Christian who is more successful in ``converting'' his or her spouse to the way of unrighteousness than for the Christian to lead his or her mate to Christ. Be careful, therefore, lest you fall (cf, 1 Cor. 10:12). This reminds me of an illustration I once heard about a healthy person walking down the corridors of a hospital in which numerous people were suffering from highly contagious diseases. Rather than the person's health rubbing off on the sick, it was more likely that he would soon be picking up one or more of their infectious diseases and sharing in their same ailments and afflictions. Though the Christian is to be a light in the world--and not a hidden lamp under a basket--he still needs to be cautious lest his ardent glow be snuffed out by the extinguishing power of sin (Gal. 6:1; 1 Cor. 15:33). Maintain your guard, therefore, against all evil influence and the often subtle persuasions of sin. Not all Christian to Non-Christian Marriages Lead to a Spiritual Hindrance or Divorce I know people in this type of ``mixed-marriage''; but, fortunately, the Christians have continued to remain faithful and have already spent many years of their lives with their non-Christian partners. The non-Christian mate does not seem to hinder his Christian spouse from attending church and maintaining a spiritual life; his indifference toward the church and Christianity has not rubbed off on his mate; and some of these non-Christian husbands can be described as generous, friendly, good providers for their families; and, generally speaking, fine individuals who do not stand in the way to obstruct or negatively influence their spouse from pursuing a life of godliness--but as the above shows, this appears to be the exception. Unfortunately, I have also heard of such cases in which the non-believing husband, in order to prevent his wife from attending church, had actually gone to the extremes of locking his spouse in her room prior to the service time. Can you imagine how difficult it must have been for her to strive to keep her commitment to Christ when contending with a husband who was so adamantly opposed? Is it a Sin for a Christian to Marry a Non-Christian? Though there are some people who feel that it is a ``sin'' for a Christian to marry a non-Christian, I do not find this in the Scriptures. Some have used 2 Corinthians 6:14 to try to justify their position, in which Paul shows that believers are not to be ``bound together with unbelievers.'' But if this were talking about marriage, then isn't the answer found in the same context? ```Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,' says the Lord....'' (v. 17). Would not this then mean that the Christian married to the non-Christian would have to divorce his or her mate--or at least leave--if verse 14 were talking about marriage? But what does Paul say about this? ''...if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away...For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife'' (1 Cor. 7:12,13)? According to Paul, the Christian is to remain with the non-Christian spouse. Furthermore, the wife is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives (Rom. 7:2)--whether he's a Christian or not--and, therefore, to divorce him and marry another (when not meeting the conditions of Matthew 19:9) would be a sin on her part and cause her to be an adulteress; and the one she marries, an adulterer (1 Cor. 7:3; Mark 10:12; Matt. 5:32). Wise Advise I won't call this my advice--though it is my advice--for it is also the advice of many others as well. Though there are those exceptional cases that I know of in which the Christian is not hampered by his or her non- Christian spouse from living a Christian life, it is--generally speaking--a wiser move for one to marry someone of like faith. I'm often reminded of a response Harry Lewis once gave about 14 years ago to a woman who had called up one of his radio programs in Nicholasville, Kentucky, to ask the question if a Christian can marry someone of a different religion--such as an Eastern religion. His reply was something to the following effect: ``Christians have a hard enough time living together; why would you want to make it any more difficult?'' This is something to give some serious thought to. What if a sincere, zealous Christian marries someone who is also genuinely fervent with his or her own faith/religion? To which faith will the children be raised? With whom will the children attend religious services? Whose religious principles will be instilled in them? Can you even begin to imagine having to submit to your spouse's request to allow your children to be brought up in a false religion, against your wishes? With both parents ardently concerned for their children's spiritual upbringing, this could lead to quite a dilemma. And even if there were no children, would you really like the idea of attending one church while your spouse attended another? How sad, that two people cannot be united in the most important aspect of life and be of one mind in Christ together--rather than to be divided or have opposite interests toward the Lord and spiritual matters. It is not always easy for Christians to find a partner. Many have often said that there is just no one for them of like faith in the area in which they live. This makes it more difficult--but not impossible. I imagine many a marriage has been the fruition of a courtship that mainly took place via letters, phone calls, e-mail, etc., due to the many miles apart--and with just occasional visits. I know of one young woman who was faced with a similar problem, so she moved to where she knew there was a church that offered a Bible program for men wanting to become preachers--for her intention is marrying a gospel preacher. I don't think she'll have any trouble hooking one and reeling him in. I've also heard of dating services that are designed to help you become acquainted with individuals of like faith. So if you live in an area where there just doesn't seem to be anyone around, you might want to try looking into one of these other options. What To Do-- When the Christian is Married to the Non-Christian To those of you who are married to a non-Christian spouse, strive to be the best marriage partner you can be for your mate (without ever compromising your faith). If you are the wife in this situation, then remember Peter's instruction for you to live in such a way with your non- believing husband that he might be won to the Lord through the tender, compelling influence of your godly life (1 Pet. 3:1-4). Rather than continually nagging your husband to obey the gospel, Peter wants you to concentrate on simply living the proper example before him yourself. As the old saying goes, ``I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day....'' This, of course, is not to say that such a conversation should not be brought up; but use your discretion. And if you are the husband married to a non- believing wife, hearken to Paul's exhortation for you to love your wife ``just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her'' (Eph. 5:25). What greater love can there be than that? Without question, being of the same faith is definitely a "major plus" in the marriage of two people who are striving to live as one. Differences over food-favorites, hobbies, and entertainment is very trivial compared to something that should mean more to a person than anything--and that is one's spiritual relationship with God. For faith in God is to be not merely a belief, nor is one's relationship with God only a periodic involvement that one sees to occasionally--like keeping up appearances at the ``club''--but Christianity is to be a way of life that has been deeply entrenched within the heart of each Christian and works its way into the thoughts, actions, and reactions of the child of God. It is inward and outward, as a manifestation that attests to one's faith (Jms. 2:18-26). The goal of the Christian is eternal life. His primary purpose is to please God by keeping His commandments. His interests, therefore, should supremely be in spiritual matters; and Paul, therefore, urges the Christian to set his affection on ``things above'' (Col. 3:1-4). What greater treasure can two people (a family, a group, etc.) share than that which is from the coffers of God's holy and divine word? What better common interest can there be than that which is found in the Almighty God and jointly shared by every true believer? Christian don't give up. Keep praying for your non- Christian spouse and continue setting the right example before him or her, for many have been converted to Christianity through their mate. Marriage Is A Serious Thing The fact that marriage is to be one man for one woman for life shows that it is not something to be taken lightly. Therefore, choose your mate wisely. Someone who can help you in your life as a Christian is certainly an important asset to look for. As Solomon writes, ``Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up'' (Ecclesiastes 4:9,10). The only grounds that God's word gives for divorce and remarriage is for the innocent spouse to put away his or her partner for the reason of adultery (Matt. 19:9). To divorce, therefore, for any other reason would be wrong. I've heard some people say that ``Divorce is all right--even if there is no adultery involved--providing you never marry again.'' But we must realize that even the divorce itself is wrong if it is not the case of the innocent putting away the guilty for adultery (Matt. 5:32). Are you thinking of marriage? Do so wisely. Consider what the Bible has to say on the subject. Give serious thought to the type of person who would best help you in continuing your life for Christ--and someone whom you can share this type of life with. Try to look beyond the present on this. Remember, you're thinking about someone who'll be yours ``till death do you part.'' It might be that you, as a Christian, have left the church. Maybe right now you're in a spiritual slump and God's word doesn't seem important to you, so you are not concerned with marrying a Christian with spiritual interests; but do you plan to remain indifferent to God all of your life? What if you marry a very worldly-minded individual who, though great from a worldly perspective, would be nothing but a hindrance if you ever wanted to get back into re-dedicating your life to the Lord? Think wisely! To all you non-Christian spouses out there, we are praying for you that it will be your decision to put Christ first in your lives--not merely for a Christ-centered marriage; but, more importantly, for your soul's salvation and for your own spiritual relationship with the Almighty God, who loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die for your sins on the cross at Calvary! _______________________________________ NEWS & NOTES Gwen Harwell, sister of John Hendrix, passed away recently, leaving behind her husband (Jack), and two children: Amelia (4 years old) and Rebecca (born June 29, and who was in her mother's arms when she suddenly passed away at just 36 years of age). Our heart goes out to all the family and friends of Gwen Harwell. Gary Kerr solicits prayer for Jan Reese who underwent a bone marrow transplant July 19 for her leukemia. She is now in Columbia, South Carolina, having received radiation treatments the week before last and chemo-therapy last Monday, in preparation for her operation. Her sister, Judy Lewis, was the donor. Jan and her husband (Jack) are the parents of a two-year old son. John Trigg writes: ``Thanks for the prayers for my mother [Vernell Trigg--who has been having difficulties with her diabetes]. She is out of the hospital and back at home. She seems to be doing well, but is still having a few problems. Please keep her in your prayers.'' Paul Preston (from Grayson, Kentucky) recently had by-pass surgery for his heart. Let us pray that he will continue to heal well. I forgot to mention that the vinyl siding and new gutter is now finished on our meeting house. Thank you, Joe Galford! (our kind and generous landlord) Come visit us soon! If you have an e-mail address and would like this bulletin sent to you electronically, just let us know. Update on our Bulletin: The Gospel Observer * Homes receiving it: 462 (not counting local members) * Foreign countries receiving it: Canada, Italy, Australia, and Germany. * It's also going to Alaska, Hawaii, and the Virgin Islands. * (It's sent to about 25 states in the U.S.) * Roughly 379 homes receive our bulletin via e-mail (for free)--which would be costing us more than $121 a week if we had to put a stamp on it. _________________________________________ Tri-State CHURCH OF CHRIST 713 13th Street, Ashland, Kentucky 41101 Sunday: 10:00 A.M. Bible class 10:50 A.M. Worship 6:30 P.M. Worship Wednesday: 7:30 P.M. Bible study evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (606) 325-9742 e-mail: tedwards@wwd.net _________________________________________